Pushing myself to take a step outside of my comfort zone is always at the top of my mind. That's how I feel I grow the most and test my wings. I am so often encouraging others to do the same, and so I decided in 2021 to continue to step outside my frame and thus be a role model in what I am teaching others.
Everything new we do to grow and be visible is usually outside the blessed framework. It can cause internal tremors and shake us to the bone to the point of stepping out of comfort. It then triggers a difference in the voice of the inner critic. That's why we cancel so often. Let's not chase the dreams because there can be many unpleasant things that have to be done to make them come true. The inner critic can be so relentless. But the more we practice this, we realize it's just growing pains!
Our frame is very large. For some people, posting a Facebook post or picture of themselves or talking to random strangers is huge. Others may be dealing with growing pains when thinking about starting a business, holding an art show, performing on stage, or releasing their song.
By starting Soul Art and taking my art further, I have taken many steps outside the box. Hold courses, advertise my works, advertise courses, create a website. It's all about saying to the world "Hey here I am...and I'm doing this" and it always shakes me to the core, wakes up the inner critic so much. There is always this fear that comes with focusing attention on yourself. " What if no one comes, buys, likes...and so on ". But I have learned that there is no way around the fear. He will come no matter what and so I have learned to perform with fear just rattling in the back seat. I'm in the driver's seat.
I don't find it difficult to give lectures or teach at the University (of course I thought so at first), but what I did during the year was more personal. I appeared as "Kristín Berta" and "Kristín Berta artist" and not just "Kristín Berta professional or teacher".
Who is not familiar with doing something new, expressing themselves, meeting new people and starting to think about all kinds of complications? Censor what a person said and shake your head that you said this and not that?
It certainly happened to me after this interview with me on Channel 1 . After the interview, my inner critic went a little wild. "you forgot about it, why did you talk so much about it "...and so on. But I know how he works blessedly and so I sought support from fellow travelers and didn't let him stop me. He was sent to his "garden" while these growing pains passed.
I also felt a little uncomfortable when this review appeared about me as an artist. But it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as the personal radio interview above, and I found that uncomfortable feeling quickly passed. After all, I have worked very purposefully on the inner art critic and teach others to let go of it.
For a long time, I had wanted to interview my dad about his creativity and his book Mom's Boy, which I illustrated this year and which he published in a reprint in May 2021. I thought about many things that served to stop me.
"Where are you going to interview him? You don't have any podcasts?"
"This is a stupid idea, nobody wants to watch you talk"
"What if you get stupid?"
"What if no one bothers to watch?"
Such thoughts always come! It is the nature of the mind to try to protect us. Make sure we don't make fools of ourselves. If we are going to listen to this voice, we will never do anything new. The mind does not want it. He wants to keep us in the area we know. It is the safest. The counterargument to these thoughts above was this:
"this is something i want to do"
"This will be incredibly valuable for my children to be able to watch later"
"fuck it even if no one bothers to watch....there will always be someone from our cheerleading team dad watching and we do this for our friends and family, they are the ones who matter the most"
When this fear appears in me, I often think about letting go of what is uncomfortable. But I fast forward them in time in my mind and see what feeling would come with not trying, with letting go. If this isn't important, it's okay. But if this is important to me, the fear of trying and failing is stronger than the fear of never trying. I use that as my driving force. I stand and fall with myself and can always say:
"I tried though"
-Kristín Berta Guðnadóttir-
